SpudFiles

SICKONING, JUST SICKONING (but funny)

Statues crapping on pigions, I fell off my chair.

WE NEED MORE JOKES!

why did dairy queen get pregneant?
A: because burger king forgot to wrap his whooper.

Theres this chic called tracy ,she has a boy freind and one day gets invited to dinner. She is nervous and starts to develope gas pains.It is a 3 course meal and they are on starters, by now her gas pains are intense because she is getting asked questions ,so she holds it and holds it until she can't no more and lets out a little sqeek,"EEEEEEEEEE".Everyone at the table hears it but the dad looks at the family dog by her feet and says in a threatening voice,"GINGER..".So Tracy thinks this is great that they blame the dog and she eases up a bit.Second course now and she has more gas pains, again she holds it but this time she checks to see if the dog is at her feet,it is so she lets one rip,"FUBFUBFUB".Everyone at the table hears it.The dad SHOUTS at this dog,"GINGER!!".Tracy is feeling great now,she eases up more,now her boy freinds mom brings in desert.Her gas pains are persistant so she checks to see if the dog is still there, it hasn't moved so she cracks a massive one off,"PPUUUUTPUUUTTPP!", The dad screams out really loudly,"GINGER, GET AWAY FROM THAT GIRL BEFOR SHE TAKES A DUMP ON YOUR HEAD!!"

omg i almost shit my pants

How do you get a bunch of mexicans in a car?

A: Throw a dollar in it.

How do you get them out?

A: Throw in a job application!!!

I was wondering when you would show your face around here Ben.

a man goes to the doctor complaining of headachs.his doctor says "we just got this new machine. all you do is take a urine sample and it says all thats wrong with you.

Thinking this is pretty amazing the man gives a sample and the doctor feeds it threw the machine.It spits out a piece of paper ehich the doctor reads "According to this you have tennis elbow." "But thers nothing wrong with my elbow its my head." The doctor gives him a speciman cup and tells him to bring a new sample tomorrow.

When the man gets home his is very angry and thinks to himself. "Ill show that doctor."

So he takes the dipstick from his car and puts oil in the cup.When his wife and doughter get home he has each of them urinate in it. And then he finishes by wh@cking off in it.

The next day he goes back to the doctor and hands him the speciman.The doctor feeds it into the machine then reads the printout.

"Well what does it say?" the man ask laughing.

According to this the doctor replies your car needs an oil change your wife has crabs your doughter is pregnant and your tennis elbow isnt going to get better if you keep wh@cking off!

why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway

This is a really dirty joke so i hope i dont offend anybody

A white horse fell in the mud

and sorry about 3 post in a row but there slowly coming to me

thats a dirty joke there.
So theres a blonde, and 2 other girls that work together, one suggest that they all go home early, the boss always leaves eearly and leaves them to lock up, so they close the store, lock up and go home. the blonde goes home to find her boss screwing her husband, the othe 2 go home and do laundry and run errands, the next day the 2 say that it was great, and that they should do it again today, and the blonde is like, no way, i almost got caught.

So theres this father and son walking down the road, and they see 2 dogs having sex, the son asks what they are doing, the father responds, they are making puppies. Later the son walks in on his father and mother having sex, he asks what they are doing, the father responds, were making babies, the son replies, well turn that B$#$@ over, id rather have a puppy.

So there is this guy that goes to a surgeons office, and says that he needs a new penis, his current one is so big that it st-st-strains his diaphram and has a bad st-st-studdering problem, but the w-w-women love it, but he'd rather not st-st-studder. so they replace it and a few weeks he comes back and says that he wants it back, he misses it, the surgeon says" well, th-th-theres a pr-pr--problem.
Im just about dry on jokes now, but i found this site : http://www.insultmonger.com/jokes/people_jokes_1.htm some funny, such as:

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The chief cannibal comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, put you in a pot, cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "Right--a pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible!

The chief is appalled, and asks, "My god almighty, what are you doing?"

The New Yorker gives him the finger and says, "So much for your canoe!"

what do you call a cow that had an abortion

decafinated

I live on a farm, and raise cows, thats funny, i'm gonna tell eveybody that one.

i got that one from my dad

did everyone run out of jokes